this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
