just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
