Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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