I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
