He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
