I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
