I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
