What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I met the friendliest cop last night
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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