shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we made out on top of his cat.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
