is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
