he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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