omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
