life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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