Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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