so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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