Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
