Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
