I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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