You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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