Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
