It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
