from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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