I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
