just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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