Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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