How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
