Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
