Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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