he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
