i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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