***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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