pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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