Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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