I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This baby is an asshole
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
