Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
