I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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