I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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