plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize