My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
