I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
