Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
