tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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