cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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