The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
