just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
