I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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