I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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