I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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