Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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