i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?