So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat