I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
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Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running