She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.