i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
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Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
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i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.