I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
