I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
