I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
