i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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