It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
