Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
