There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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