how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
