I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
