When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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