Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
